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Mistaken Identity
(Late night blog)
It’s that moment - the one where you instantly “recognize” someone that you’re meeting for the first time and lifetimes of connection seem to unravel at your feet. You try but, your human mind cannot explain what your soul knows. So, you enter into an exchange with hope and a halfhearted expectation that THIS could be something... It’s a natural progress - so it seems - interrupted by another natural process.
Soul connects to Soul. Heart to Heart. Mind to Mind. Then, what the....
Whenever we need to know the truth about something - all we have to do is look at how we FEEL about it. But, what happens when your own feelings betray you? It’s happened to all of us (if we’re lucky) - where we become enraptured with our own ideas and dreams of all that is possible. Then suddenly, we’re left to question if what we experienced was real or imagined - particularly when the duet peters down to a party of one, without explanation.
Is he really “blowing you off”? Is she really “reading into things”? Are we really “this complicated”?
This can occur at various stages in a relationship and trying to understand it can be confusing and disheartening. Sometimes, our intentions are not equally met and we are left questioning the motives of another. However, look closely - there's a gift in there if you are willing to see it. These can be karmic lessons that come to us as a reminder to trust our intuition. Other times, it can be the opportunity in which we hope to grow with and into something more but, this is the one that takes the most consciousness and most of all - courage.
It can be ridiculously scary when you try to rationalize something that feels good, into the familiar bullshit we’ve always believed about ourselves and relationships. Nothing human can last forever, right? We open the closet to our past and out tumble the skeletons which we believe will potentially haunt our future. It’s true, you have to deal with unfinished business before you can move into a completely open space to real partnership. It’s only fair.
However, here is a solemn truth for anyone that has ever lived a life ridden with mistakes, poor choices, wounds that haven’t completely healed over and a heart that has been broken a time or two. If you have endured THAT much pain and angst, you have also endured an equal amount of love and joy. It’s the law of polarity.
What is it within our human nature that is inclined to self sabotage? Don’t we owe it to ourselves to quit picking at the scab and allow the wound to scar over? At some point it HAS to heal or, it eats us whole.
I’m not perfect and I’m learning to like it that way - it adds colour to my world. I’m open, direct, inquisitive and curious. My heart loves big and hurts deeply. Rivers of compassion flow through me and easily stop at the stone of reservation. I poke and prod at the human condition because, I AM the human condition. Imperfectly whole. How could I expect anything more from another?
Sometimes though, people aren’t what they seem when we’re looking through rose coloured glasses and the only fool is the one looking through the lens. Is it a case of mistaken identity? Are we seeing what they're showing us or are we seeing what we want? Have they misrepresented themselves and their intentions? Have they manipulated your heart stings to stroke their own over inflated sense of self? Possibly. Some people just cannot see beyond their own narcissistic ass and are incapable of seeing their effect on another.
However, when we reach deep down inside we can see with compassion that we ALL have baggage and those moments have helped design the map of our emotional DNA.What we do with it, is up to us. Sometimes if we’re really lucky and willing, we might find someone that will help us unpack. You’ve just got to be willing to open the bag...
Be kind. You're responsible for your own karma.
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Shifting Gears
Just as it was beginning to feel like I was idling along and almost slipping into neutral, in typical Trish style, I slammed the brakes and made a hard left. In my mind, I have just made the most drastic change to date but, in reality that’s not necessarily true...I have done crazier things and right now this seems practical. Going into something, I'm rarely scared - it's only AFTER I have made a decision and it finally sinks in as to where I’ve suddenly landed, that I slightly begin to flail.
When I reflect upon the decisions I’ve made in my life, it would be enough to make many gasp and shake their head, as a matter of fact it has - “You did what?”, “Are you crazy?” - and yet for me it’s what feels perfectly natural. I shock my system into a new state with crazy change and when the aftershock subsides, my body, mind and spirit settle in together.
Yesterday, was one of those days where in the midst of the aftershock my inner realist was struggling with my inner optimist, as I’ve made some heavy and very necessary decisions in order to move out of the abyss into which I was staring. When I had a moment to be still and caught a glimpse of how far I have traveled to get right here - I was completely overwhelmed. There is only one kind of change - for the better - however, knowing that rarely makes the transition any easier.
This is what I consider making room - opening up the channels for absolute greatness to enter into the space. It stretches us beyond comfort and unhinges everything that we THINK is keeping us together but, it eases grace into the physical space of where we live, work and play. The emotional and mental space of how we process, interact and expand our capacity to give and receive love. This is our human evolution...Our spiritual Beingness is always at peace.
So, when in mid-stream of change, something happens when beauty and light begin to seep through the curtains we have drawn in order to protect our humanness. We either open up and bask in the warmth and glow, or overanalyze and dismiss the course of events, which have contributed in delivering us right where we have yearned to be...vulnerable and safe. The intoxication of “feeling good” can lift you to a whole other realm of existence, a place where dreamers dream and our true mastery of creation exists. It’s the highest vibration one can exist in without shedding their skin and leaving this plane...and it’s friggin terrifying.
So, in the wake of the aftershock and these emotional worlds merging, I stumbled. My optimistic dreamer (whom I happen to love and adore) bumped into my realist (whom I’ve learned to embrace) and I broke down. I looked at how different my life is in just two months and how different it FEELS - it’s a bag of mixed emotions but, it can only be good.
I’m a handful and complicated. I can carry the world on my shoulders and power through the worst of times and when I think that no one is looking, I collapse into myself - processing the events, the emotions, the possibilities, what is real and what is a figment of my imagination. With trepidation I begin to make my way back, testing the waters and then full speed ahead I go. I’m a handful, especially to my own self...but I cannot imagine being any different.
Now, it's time to listen to the "knowing" from within, to gently hush the ego and shift. Maybe I’ll start in second then, before I can even recognize what’s happened I’ll be in fifth, full speed ahead, on an open road. Change the mind, change the pattern and have faith.
Words of "wisdom" I share with my daughter...Today I will heed.
Don’t make excuses for the parts of you that are hard to take sometimes. Accept the little things that make you complex, unique and original, you’re divinely designed. Experience yourself in all that you do and feel. Be who you are in all your awesomeness. You’re pretty kick ass.
